You're The Hobbit!
by J.R.R. Tolkien
All you wanted was a nice cup of tea when some haggard crazy old man came into your life and told you it was time to do something with yourself. Now you're all conflicted about whether to stick with your stay-at-home lifestyle or follow this crazy person into the wild. While you're very short and a little furry, you seem to be surrounded by an even greater quantity of short folks lately. Try not to lose your ring, but keep its value in perspective!
I'm a short fat comfort seeking Hobbit. I'd write more about how insulted I am, but second breakfast is ready.1.
1.? In J. R. R. Tolkien's book The Hobbit, second breakfast is one of the seven meals a day that well-fed hobbits will eat.