Day 6: Self-kindness mini-course
So, we've learned that we are angry with ourselves.
We know that our inner tyrannical voice is actually a small child that we integrated into ourselves when we were 3 years old.
We are practicing letting go/forgiving ourselves for the mistakes we make
We know that we do not see the world very clearly.
And we've learned some skills on how to deal with all of this inner mess.
HOW DOES ALL OF THIS GO TOGETHER?
Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert, in "Stumbling on Happiness", says that we view the world based on our idea of what the world should look like.
It goes like this:
1. We don't see things very well.
2. The part of us that chooses our world view is a 3 year old part of us.
3. Because like draws like, once we've developed an idea of the world, we see only what we believe the world to be.
When you believe the world is filled with scary people, you only see scary people in the world. You will surround yourself with people who reinforce your views.
When you believe that you deserve the fortune you inherit, you will surround yourself with people who believe the same thing. Together, you will manifest your right to a massive fortune.
This is how we are made.
If you question this is how we are made, look at all those "ungrateful children." They are born into a situation. They only know that situation. How could they possibly be grateful for it? it's all they know.
Lindsi Simicich Dennis describes it like this: "When thinking about a particularly cringe-worthy memory or screw-up that comes to haunt me, I’ll ask myself what compelled me to do the stupid/immature/ignorant/irrational thing. What was missing? Was love there? Or power? Wisdom?"
This is a great example of a way to unearth these decisions made by our three year old self. (You can read the rest of her comment in Day 4.)
HOW DO WE CHANGE THESE THOUGHTS?
1. We must uncover what these thoughts. It's not as hard as you'd think because everyone who knows you is likely to know what they are.
If you're still clueless, it's time to read your journal or social media posts. What is the theme of your posts? Your inner beliefs are right there on display.
2. We must remove those thoughts from our psyche. This is where EFT and other power therapies (EMDR, Exposure therapy, etc.) are helpful. This work is powerful BUT use caution. You've believed these things forever. Be gentle with yourself as you shift them.
3. Only after we've removed the old thought can we add in new thoughts. I know a lot of people who believe we can practice a mantra and it will rewrite our thinking. It doesn't. It might work in the short term, but if you've ever tried to tell a three year old that they are wrong, you know exactly how this works.
What would you add in? This is a great time for mantras or ideas. You want to teach your inner-tyrant new things. Flooding him or her with ideas works well. If you're at a loss Louise Hays has an audiotape of "101 power thoughts" that's likely lingering in your library.
There is no better time to do this work than now. The world needs us to be open to new things. Very soon, we will be asked to come up with new solutions to old problems. We must let go of these old, rotten thoughts to move forward.
Good luck! I believe in you.
I'll be back tomorrow for one more lesson tomorrow!