"You have an infection in that hip," the doctor said.
And just like that, my orthopedic surgeon went from friendly helper to the person who made me deathly ill.
He was sorry.
I was sorry.
I felt a flush of anger, sadness, and frustration. All of my plans for 2026 ended the moment I became infected.
"How does this happen?" I asked.
Inside, I wondered, "Did someone do this to me?"
Was it the PA who hates me? The surgeon whose going through a mid-life crisis? Or...
Sitting there, deathly ill, I realized that I had a choice.
I could go after the cause— or I could go after the cure.
I didn’t have the energy for both.
This wasn't personal. It was just life.
I rolled the dice and had a total hip replacement. In the process of the surgery, the joint became infected.
I chose to focus on getting well.
Blaming someone for a problem is solving the wrong problem.
"What do I need to do?" I asked.
"I'm not sure," he said.
A day later, he called me on a Saturday and told me to meet him at the hospital. He didn't say why or for what; he just said "Come."
I had another surgery. The hip surgery took 28 minutes. This surgery was an hour and a half.
I was in the hospital for five days. From there, I met with approximately 100 doctors (probably 40, truly). When the bacteria was identified, I received IV antibiotics which I took home with me.
It's been four months and I'm still taking antibiotics, meeting with doctors, and on track for having an additional surgery.
If I'd tried to solve the problem of who is responsible, I'd be meeting with doctors and dealing with hostile providers.
Am I angry with the doctor? Do I secretly blame him?
No. I don't have the energy to be angry with anyone. I particularly don't have time to solve the problem of "who is responsible?"
I didn't get infected because the surgeon didn't like me or someone had a grudge against me in the operating room or even that the facility wasn't clean enough.
I was infected because I was infected. No more. No less.
Thus, the clear problem to be solved was how to get well – not how to force an entire system to be responsible for my illness or infection.
In order to life a genuinely happy and productive life, we must focus our energy on our own goals.
I need my own energy for writing, the dog, my relationships, and the complexities of my life, along with healing.
I am focusing on doing everything I can to get well. This is the right thing to focus on.
