2 min read

You know what that means... he said.

At the desk, 10:39 a.m.


I must have sneered because he laughed. The speaker is my friend Michael. We have lunch every other week to Mastermind (technically) our businesses, but it's more like Mastermind your life. Plus, we have a good time. He feels like he's rescuing me from my computer; I feel like I ground him. We've been doing this for the last two or so years.

"Your back pain means that you're not being supported," he smiled.

"You don't think it mean that a man named Bob pressed my vertebrae up and down with intense pressure then hooked needles to them and added electrodes?" I said. "Isn't it more likely my back hurts because of that?"

He laughed.

That's where I was this morning. I went to see a guy called Bob for physical therapy.

You see, 24 years ago, a lady was late for her psychotherapy appointment (of all things) and she slammed into my car. Skipping all the drama, I lost the use of my right leg and my right hand, but fought valiantly to regain the capacity to walk. That's not all I lost. I had planned to go to Medical school and get an MD/PhD in Virology. (Yes, I'm fascinated with the little buggers.) I had taken the M-Cat. With my Biochemistry degree from UC Berkeley, I actually had a shot.

And then WHAM! I couldn't walk! I couldn't hold a pippet! I couldn't work in viral research at UCSF!

Like a die in a cup, the universe shook me hard and rolled me out onto the street on my own.

More than twenty years later, I wonder sometimes if the woman is still in therapy. I wonder sometimes if there was a message to the entire event. I wonder sometimes why my back hurts.

My first words were: "I'll do dit mine self."

I think that's my lesson for right now. Only go into situations where I'm well supported.  I don't know what that means or even how to do it, but I'm pretty sure it's time to learn something new.

I just wonder how to learn to get support.

Any ideas?

P.S. On the picture - the spot that looks like a smushed oreo is L2-L3 - that's very bad - bone on bone with a bunch of fancy words to describe it. The white line on the right is my spinal column so this kinda explains why I lost all that muscle in my right leg. All black is not highlighting. That's what's left of the pads between the bones of my back. They are supposed to look more double stuffed than original oreo filling. In general, black is bad on an MRI, all white is good. There are other pictures that are 'worse' to people who know what these are supposed to look like, but I liked the whole cookie thing of this one. Seemed easier to understand.