My niece has to write a report about her family. This inspired my little sister to send around a questionnaire. The questions are fairly straight forward ? what?s your name, where were you born, stuff like that.
But I got hung up on: ?Do you have a story about your parents getting married??
I call my sister on the phone.
"You know that Mom was about 9 months pregnant when they got married," I say.
"I forgot," she says.
"Do you want F. to know that Mom and Dad only got married because Mom was pregnant?" I ask.
"I do not," she says indignantly.
Now I didn't write the questions. I didn't ask them. I'm just supposed to fill out the damn questionnaire.
"What about the one about how Mom and Dad met?" I ask.
"What about that?" she asks.
Well crap, my little sister really does not know this stuff??
"Mom was married to that other guy," I reply. "Dad was a big ladies man. He had lots of girlfriends and Mom had her husband."
"Oh," she says. "That's right."
"Do you want F. to know that?" I ask.
"I do not," she says indignantly again.
"So I'm supposed to fill out this questionnaire and lie," I say.
"Not lie exactly," my little sister says.
"Whose family do you want answers for?" I ask.
"That's not funny," my sister says in her stern tone.
The last question is: ?What advice would you give F. for her future??
"Um, what do you want there?" I ask.
"Oh just whatever you think." My little sister's voice returns to her sweet voice.
"How about don't become a schizophrenic and an alcoholic, cheat on your husband, force some other guy to marry you when you're as big as a house?" I ask.
"It's good advice," I say.
"Maybe you shouldn't fill out the questionnaire," my sister says.
"I write fiction," I remind her. "I'm the best person in our family to fill it out."
She laughs and we hang up.
Now the cursor blinks in the questionnaire and I have no idea what to say.
Anyone have a family I might borrow for the questionnaire?