1 min read


My niece has to write a report about her family.  This inspired my little sister to send around a questionnaire.  The questions are fairly straight forward ? what?s your name, where were you born, stuff like that.

But I got hung up on: ?Do you have a story about your parents getting married??

I call my sister on the phone.

"You know that Mom was about 9 months pregnant when they got married," I say.

"I forgot," she says.

"Do you want F. to know that Mom and Dad only got married because Mom was pregnant?" I ask.

"I do not," she says indignantly.

Now I didn't write the questions.  I didn't ask them.  I'm just supposed to fill out the damn questionnaire.

"What about the one about how Mom and Dad met?" I ask.

"What about that?" she asks.

Well crap, my little sister really does not know this stuff??

"Mom was married to that other guy," I reply. "Dad was a big ladies man.  He had lots of girlfriends and Mom had her husband."

"Oh," she says.  "That's right."

"Do you want F. to know that?" I ask.

"I do not," she says indignantly again.

"So I'm supposed to fill out this questionnaire and lie," I say.

"Not lie exactly," my little sister says.

"Whose family do you want answers for?" I ask.

"That's not funny," my sister says in her stern tone.

The last question is: ?What advice would you give F. for her future??

"Um, what do you want there?" I ask.

"Oh just whatever you think." My little sister's voice returns to her sweet voice.

"How about don't become a schizophrenic and an alcoholic, cheat on your husband, force some other guy to marry you when you're as big as a house?" I ask.


"It's good advice," I say.

"Maybe you shouldn't fill out the questionnaire," my sister says.

I laugh.

"I write fiction," I remind her.  "I'm the best person in our family to fill it out."

She laughs and we hang up.

Now the cursor blinks in the questionnaire and I have no idea what to say.

Anyone have a family I might borrow for the questionnaire?