There was a room in my childhood home that had an entire ten-foot tall wall of bookshelves packed full of books. There were paperbacks, hardbacks, and even a few audiobooks on tape.
No one read them.
More than that, no one was allowed to read them.
It was a library to the ego.
As a child, I had scarlet fever twice. Each time, I was home alone for at least six weeks.
With my abusers and chaos agents out of the house, I would creep out to this library. I'd climb up the bookshelves, take a book off the shelf, and read. When I heard someone coming home, I would replace the book and sneak back to my bed.
I got caught.
My mother saw some movement in the dust on the bookshelves. As sick as I was, I was in big trouble.
I discovered the public library right after this event.
In my hometown, the library was small, private, and old. The smell of old books made me swoon.
I read every single book in the children's section.
Then I forged my dad's name on the form sincerely agreeing that it was okay with him if I read outside the children's section.
Deep inside, every book helped to build a self that could survive that time of chaos. Books helped me to hope for a better world, a life where violence and chaos didn't exist, and a strong belief in the power of love and kindness.
Lately, in the moments between sleep and awake, I can hear my long dead parents voices yelling at me. And I know that I'm unsafe again.
I know that there is no bottom to the chaos and violence of this time.
But there wasn't a bottom to the chaos and violence in my life as a child, and in the books I read.
The books I read as a child taught me that I cannot control the world.
I can only control my attitude, my actions, and how I behave in the world.
I desperately need resolution. I need to see past the chaos to make plans for when peace returns.
It's time to return to our books.
Books help explain the world in such a way that we are able to survive times like these. They teach us skills and show us characters who gave everything to fight for the good in this world.
We need books that bring hope. We need books that help us focus on life beyond this chaos. We need our favorite books and books that become our favorite books.
As a child, I loved The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare because it was about a girl who didn't fit in to her current chaotic, bizarre circumstances. She was saved by love and acceptance.
Starting in Junior High, I read the Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien every year until I was in my thirties. The book grabs people from their safe life and throws them into a chaotic and violent world which they are unprepared for. And, in the end, order is restored. Peace returns. The journey itself brings hope for a better tomorrow regardless of the pain, mental fatigue, and uncertainty of this time
As a young adult, I loved The Stranger by Albert Camus. Like the Witch of Blackbird Pond, this young man who, just like us now, is forced to face an absurd world, emotionally and mentally naked, unprepared to deal with the absurdity of this world. At every turn, I am also unprepared for the absurdity of this time. The Stranger reminds me that this is not a defect, but rather, a normal way of being.
What favorite book helps you survive these chaotic times? What book did you love as a child? What book restored your faith in humanity?
It's time to return to your books.
As an aside: I work to write books that remind the reader of their own resilience by showing resilient characters who take on a chaotic world to bring more justice and order. My work can be found at StoriesbyClaudia.com
