On a Limb with Claudia

Fix my life? Take a class.

I was taged by Odat for this meme.

The rules are as follows:

Devise a list of 5-10 courses you would take to fix your life. (If only it were that simple!)? It's more fun to be in classes with friends, so include one class from the person who tagged you that you'd also like to take. Tag five other people.

1. Conversational Dog. I don't mean some Cesar Milan communication with dog. I mean actual - this sound means "shut up" then you repeat the sound. I'm willing to put the work. I bet Odat would take that class with me.

2. Wiggle your nose and clean the house. Let's face it. Samantha Stevens had some skills. First, she'd have to teach me how to wiggle my nose. I bet the rest would come in 10 or 12 easy lessons. Wanna take that class with me?

3. Accept the unacceptable. My life would be easier if I could just go a long a little bit. Someone is nasty? I could just shrug my shoulders. Sister acts crazy? That's her problem. Child is abusive? Oh well. I've just never been able to accept the unacceptable. I either have to try to repair the situation or walk away.

4. How to become a best selling author. I know there are classes and books about this topic. But I am being literal here - do this, then do that and whaa la! Best seller! Guaranteed success!

5. Wiggle your hips. I'd love to be able to wiggle my hips like Ciara does in this video. I'd love to be able to do this for a number of reasons. First, my hips hurt. If I could wiggle like that, my hips wouldn't be so sore. Of course, the hip wiggle is sexy as hell. I would have less pain AND be sexy as hell. I bet you want to take this class now!

Feel free to join me in these classes. We'll take them together.

I tag:

Grace at Sandier Pastures

Awareness

She became a butterfly

Harlekwin at Boho Wrap

Meems at Simply Momtastic

What? More controversy??

ARG!? If you can believe it, Harlekwin took the documented actual photo of Big Foot:

and changed the filters.

Harlekwin refutes the BigFoot claim with this picture.

Is she insane?? Of course this is Big Foot.? Sheez.

Should we kick Harlekwin out of the nerdiverse?? It's up to you. What's your vote?

Carbs.

All right. I love them. Little white rolls. White potatoes. Sourdough bread. Pie crust. Harp Beer. Fried waffles with ice cream. Ahhh....
What can I say?

I love them.

But after watching this? Cobbler is off my beloved carb list.

Gratitude.

I was going to do a bit TT on cool stuff.? But when the temperature is below twenty degrees, my mind only comes up with "blah, blah, blah, blah".? So next week will be brilliant.

I don't think there's anyway for me to express my gratitude for the friends and community that has sprung up around this blog.? I see each of your bright and shining souls as beacons in the madness of this world.? Thank you for shining your light in my life.

I love this world and this human experience.? I feel so incredibly bless to have the chance to live in this time and place.? I am amazed that I get to watch the world transform.

The one thing I know for sure is that I am blessed to be here.

I am blessed to know you.

For Fuck's sake.

You've probably seen this photo:

Oh come on. What rock do you live under?

It's Bigfoot! This photo was taken by a Pennsylvania hunter, Rick Jacobs.? And a controversy is brewing.

You see, the Pennsylvania Game Commission says that this is a "mangy bear".

For fuck's sake. It's Bigfoot.

I know you're probably full off all the torture controversy, Iraq controversy, Presidential controversy, and the controversy controversy.

But really.

This is Bigfoot.

Something to be proud of.

Denver is the drunkest city in the United States... again. Colorado Springs is the third drunkest city in the country. Aurora is number nineteen.? This makes the state of Colorado the" drink until you drop" state.

London has Big Ben. New York City has Broadway. Los Angeles has PH.com. Seattle has coffee and rain. Dallas has big blond hair. Miami has great Cuban food.

Denver?

Oh yeah, we know how to get shit faced on a regular basis. I could not be more proud.

Yeah, like there's only 7....

I was tagged by No Nonsense Girl to reveal 7 Random and/or Weird Facts about Me meme.

Like there's only seven.... ;)

1. I learned to read when I was 2 1/2 years old. I was under a significant amount of stress and surrounded by books. Sitting on my caretaker's lap, I started to read.

2. I read by symbol. Because I learned to read on my own, I read by symbol not letter. Each word is a unique symbol but not a sound. If I have to read out loud, I must translate in my head then speak.

3. While we're on the topic of reading, because I read by symbol, I can read words that are upside down, sideways. In other words, if it's a word, I can read it. You cannot imagine how useful this is at museums, concerts or reading anything on someone's desk. You'd be surprised what you can learn by reading words that are upside down.

4. I rarely went to class in High School. I realized my first semester in high school that they compared the note signatures to the forms. My father didn't care if he signed the form or not. I signed his signature on every form from then on. I also signed copious number of slips for myself (and my little sister btw). I went to class to take the tests. I did the homework. But I mean really: free pass, boring class and beach or mountains minutes away. What would you do?

5. Dead people talk to me. I don't really know how to explain it. I thought that everyone could do it. Spirits are just like people. They have stories to tell and mischief to get up to. They talk to anyone who can hear them - just like people. For me, it's fairly random. If a spirit's there, they talk to me. I usually try to help them move on. In my experience, spirits hang around for 3 reasons: 1) they were so confused by dying that they missed the usual pattern. This happens in murders or sudden deaths. 2) They are frightened of what happens next. Or 3) They have something to say. Usually they want someone to know what happened to them. There was a spirit in our house who wanted me to know that she fell down the stairs and lay there (mostly unconscious but alone) for 3 days before she died. After she told me, then showed me how it happened, she moved on.

6. I like some really lame pop music. Right now, I'm quite fond of Rihanna's Good Girl Gone Bad album, particularly Rehab and Good Girl Gone Bad. Ne Yo's When You're Mad makes me laugh out loud every time I hear it. Ciara's Get Up is on my workout play list. I'm not sure why this music is lamer than Seether, Breaking Benjamin, Trapt, or any of the other bands I listen to. It just is. I like it anyway.

7. I light a yellow candle when I'm working. I love candles. In the last six months, I have taken to lighting a yellow candle near my computer. I just lit an orange and lemongrass candle. I am warmed by the yellow flame. Weird, but true.

Now the rules:
1. Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
4. Let each person know that they?ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

I tag:

Heart in San Francisco
The CEO
FuriousBall
La Cubana Gringa
Janet at Fond of Snape
Josie at C'est La Vie
Kelly at Cheaper than a Happy Meal

Famous by proxy by proxy by proxy

My best friend is in a fight with a well known celebrity blogger. We'll call him PH.com.

PH.com haunts the coffee shops of West Hollywood for days at a time. This is a key to his success as the paparazzi can easily find him to sell their stories and photos. Further, he has access to tips, rumors and gossip.

My best friend frequents the same coffee houses while he studies for his Ph.D. exams.

One day, noticing the stench, my friend asked PH.com why he never bathed.

Whoops. A lot of drama ensued. I would tell about the screaming, yelling, name calling, but really (wrinkling my nose) he should bathe every once and a while.

My friend says that if he was famous, PH.com would plaster his blog with nasty comments and rude pictures. But he's not famous, so all of this drama has stayed out of blog-o-rama (until now).

I figure it this way: PH.com is only famous by proxy. And my friend is not famous but knows PH.com's bathing habits which makes him famous by proxy. And he's been my best friend for thirty years. I'm famous by proxy by proxy by proxy, right?

Since you know me, you can tell your friends and family that you know someone who is FAMOUS! (by proxy by proxy by proxy). I bet you're psyched.

Nasal mite.

"WTF? The dog has BUGS in her nose?"

That's me. I'm towering over our new, but tiny, veterinarian. She nods.

Rose has coughed and sneezed for more than two years. We had been going to a famous Vet hospital here in Denver. The famous vet hospital is well known for its cute vets and television show.

Cute vet does not equal good vet.

"Nasal Mites are very common in Colorado especially in dogs as active as Rose."

"Wait. The dog has BUGS in her nose."

Bugs.

I just thought I'd share.

(Two shots later - no sneeze, no cough, no bugs. Unbelievable.)

Book Review

Hey, I posted another book review at Bring Me Up: Book Club. I review The Bitch, the Crone and the Harlot by Susan Schachterle. If you get a a chance, check it out.