On a Limb with Claudia

On the porch.

I have been painting the porch of our hundred year old Craftsman Victorian for the last week. After spending two days sanding, sweating and chipping away, I now only work in the cool of the morning.

Here's what I've learned:

• My new neighbor next door doesn't walk his one night stands girlfriends to the door in the morning.


• Never purchase a green without talking to a color consultant. These are words to live by since the beautiful pine green turned into fluorescent lime green on the porch steps. Every single neighbor stopped by, shook their head, and wandered on. The boys(they are twenty years old) next door said it wasn't too bad, but they were just being nice.


• A heat gun will remove the paint right down to the wood. So says one neighbor two days after I sanded the porch. Grrr.


• Bees seem to like the smell of paint. I rescued more than one field bee from the wet paint. Maybe that's what's causing CCD.


• My hair looks better without white Kilz primer in it. Who knew?


• Sound blocker head phones don't block out the sound of:

• Motorcycles


• People having sex


• Drunken people talking to each other


• Belt sander


• Bands playing in the nearby park

I just thought I would share.

Stories

A bunch of people have asked about my novels and stories.

I have recently finished the second in a series of novels about a woman who works for Military Intelligence here in Colorado.? They are thriller/intrigue/suspense-ish with a dash of relationship drama.? I am hoping to sell the two books at the same time and have them published within six months of each other.

Writing, editing, loving, reviewing a novel is one thing, actually getting it out there is another.? If you'd like to review a copy of book two (book one is in the middle of a re-write for pacing), email me at: opengrove@gmail.com or just leave it in a comment.? Our research, and feedback from various contests and critiques, says that women over the age of thirty will be interested in these books.? But who knows?? I appreciate any feedback and the gift of time.
In the meantime,? I've been working on some short stories to help improve the quality of my writing.? Recently, I've been writing short stories to song lyrics.? I posted one such story yesterday and will work this week to get some of the others up on the internet.? If you'd like to check it out, click here.

As always, thank you for participating in the conversation.

Dad.

Yesterday was the fifth anniversary of my father's death.

I've been staring at that sentence for about five minutes. I am brimming with words and emotions about the sentence. And the man.

I want to write that he was a good man, but I'm not all that sure.

He tried. That's probably a more accurate statement.

He tried to love my mother. He tried to support her but no amount of money, love, caring or kindness could fill the broken cauldron that substituted for her heart. Until she tossed him away, he tried to be her safe place in the storm.

Extremely shy, he tried to interact with his vocal, stubborn daughters. He tried to engage. He tried to share his interests in music, theater, ballet, and art. When the time came, he tried to interact with his daughter's husbands.

He tried to give. He tried to be kind. He tried to love. But he had no idea what it meant to be giving, loving or simply kind.

But he tried.

He tried to break me - break me with his fists, his rules, his deadlines, and his cruel words. He tried to destroy my wild nature with recrimination. He tried to indue me with his terror of the world.

In the end, he relied on my indestructible wild nature to do what had to be done and send him on.

All these years later?

I still miss him.

If he was sitting here, he would say, "You seem weepy today."

I would nod knowing that there was no way for him to understand how I felt or what it meant.

"It's the way of things," he'd continue trying to use logic to explain the emotional. "The old die so the young can live."

I'd nod again. "But I miss you."

"I know," he'd say.

And we would sit in silence for a while.

Where ever you are today, if you have a moment, could you just sit for a moment in silence with me and my Dad? I'd appreciate it.

Reading... Listening... Watching...

Reading:

The Life and Opinions of Tristam Shandy

(What is this?)

Rocker Girl told me about the New York Times Book Reading Group, which after some trouble, I found here. My best friend B. told me that Google was creating an electronic library by scanning book whose licenses have expired. Combine the two and I downloaded this book (you can too!) on .pdf and have been reading it. It's actually quite good.

Watching:

Danny Deckchair

A guy ties helium balloons to his deckchair and flies away from his messed up life. It sounds really stupid. In fact, it arrived from Netflix and we didn't watch it for over a week. In desperation, and hundred degree heat, we gave it a try and? liked it. It's funny, charming, and smart. Plus the guy is gorgeous (not at first but later) and it has Miranda Otto. Check it out.

Listening to:

Smashing Pumpkins Zeitgeist (Tarantula on YouTube)

Zeitgeist is an interesting word for an interesting time in the world.? The album's also good.

Stuck on my mind:

Self Esteem (YouTube) by Offspring

"I maybe dumb but I'm not a dweeb"? Dare I say more?

Three hour cruise.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale A tale of a fateful trip

Around 2001, I took the tiny ship "Open Grove" and rode to the Trademark office. We weren't a non-profit then, so I paid a lawyer nine hundred dollars to research the Open Grove. Nine hundred dollars. And he came up with nothing. Nothing was even close to the Open Grove. (There's a wiccan group in Wisconsin that uses the name but who cares? Right?)

Not thinking anything of it, I filed with the Trademark office and promptly went on with my business.

About a month later, I received a letter stating that my application was behind five other applications for the same mark. They would let me know when or if my application came up for review.

Being me, I thought, "that's weird". Colorado Lawyer's for the Arts provided me with a trademark lawyer, as we were now a non-profit corporation, who said, "That's weird. I'll call you when I know something."

I went on about my business. I never thought a single thing about it. Not one thought until...

The weather started getting rough, The tiny ship was tossed,

Almost five years later, I received a telephone call from our trademark attorney saying that the trademark office deleted four applications and denied ours.

"WHAT?"

"The review believes it's too close to another application."

"What application?"

"It was filed three minutes before your application was filed."

"WHAT?"

And for the last year, we've been fighting with the other group (in another country no less) to share the United States Trademark. SHARE! That's all. We want to share it. You know, like children do in kindergarten.

They would allow us to share it as long as we don't do any of the things we have done - write newsletters, create audio content, book reviews, and on and on. Word for word, they crossed out every single thing we've done.

Why? Because they could.

What could we do? I wanted to drowned myself in the nearest toilet. Instead we stopped creating content and waited.

If not for the courage of the fearless crew The Open Grove would be lost...the Open Grove would be lost.

I heard today that we are going to resolve this issue. Our fearless lawyer had been going toe to toe with this other group in another country's lawyer.

What does it mean? I don't know.

Maybe we can finally get off the Trademark island. Wish me luck.

Went looking...

I went looking for the New York Times Readers Club and found this (Film Lover's will Love it - You Tube) instead. (Here's the article.)
What do you think the universe is trying to tell me?

Reading.... Listening... Watching....

I thought I might try to post this every Wednesday.

Reading:

My favorite book this year is:

This Year I Will... by MJ Ryan.

I read a chapter from this book every day. I'm on my second pass through and find it even more helpful and inspiring than the first run.

Listening to:

Live 365's Alternative Nation

I stream this almost all day. It's a great station if you like alternative music.

Autumn Effect by 10 years & their single: Wasteland

Watching:

Saint Ralph

This is a great movie about a boy growing up. I laughed, cried, and felt extraordinarily uncomfortable. It's that good.

Song stuck in my head:

Miserable by Lit

Watch Pamela Anderson eat this band alive.

What about you?

My new hobby.

I'm thinking of taking up fishing.

No good deed...

It all started with a text message from D. A "friend" from work had a "friend" who was suicidal and could I please, please, please, please, please help.

Knowing that no good deed goes unpunished, I should have said a simple, "no".

But I didn't. Instead I said, "I'm going to be in the car for the next two hours. If she wants to call me, I'm a captive audience."

All right! I'm an idiot! I admit it. Sheez.

I sat in the parking lot of our CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) talking to this person on the telephone. She was upset. She was distraught. Blah. Going to kill myself. Blah. Have a plan. Blah. And on and on.

I'm actually pretty good on the phone. By the end of our conversation, she agreed to hang on for thirty days and to call me in the morning.

Easy peasy, right?

The next morning, I raced around so that I would be ready for this call. At the designated hour, she rang, letting the phone ring twice, then hung up. Grrrrr.

I called her back. No answer.

I called her again. Left a message.

Then spent the next three hours sucked into a vortex dealing with this situation. I talked to the police. I talked to the "friend". I talked to Tom, Dick and Harry.

Why?

Because no good deed goes unpunished.

And now? Who knows? I might lose my recently paid for and updated psychotherapy license.
You nice people are going to ask: Did she kill herself?

NO, I reply irritatedly.

It was all a game in order to get attention from every person in her life. She had no intention of changing because this behavior works. Turn on the waterworks and the world runs to attention. It's called a personality disorder.

And if the lies she told the police go further, I'll be turning in that shiny license under the "did a good deed, go to jail" program.

I swear. The next time someone tells me they are going to kill themselves, I'm going to say:

"Have fun. You'll be sorry because this is the E ticket. You'll spend an eternity trying to get back what you threw away. At least it will leave space for someone who deserves it."

I read somewhere once that if you want sympathy, you should look in the dictionary between shit and syphilis.

Maybe I should just go ahead and turn that license in.

And then....

I saw this and couldn't resist.

Check out Caleb the Airman (he's a C-130 Loadmaster with the United States Air Force) dance in the middle of Iraq - you'll laugh - all while a jet engine revs. Crazy.
Check out this video: "Booty Call" In Iraq (My Space)

"Booty Call in Iraq" (You Tube)

This is what he had to say:

In Caleb's words: "I was deployed when we made that video. We got pretty bored day to day...not a boring job in the least but we all know that everyone tries to change things up from time to time. Plus, my crew and our crew chiefs liked it and we all got a laugh out of it. The video was taken by the other loadmaster on the crew and from there he added the music (yes there was no music playing when it was made but added later...it just worked out the way it did). From there it was passed around my deployed base then from there all over the Air Force and later I guess to everyone else. The Air Force passing took about 4 days before I started hearing about it. Its been pretty crazy and alot of fun once people found out I was 'THAT GUY IN THE DANCING VIDEO'. I guess if 2 things come from this...Air Force and Loadmaster. In all honesty I thank you and everyone on here for your support. Its like they say...It sucks there and sometimes we just need to laugh. That applies here too. Glad I could do that for you. Thank you for watching/enjoying.