A sick feeling in my stomach.

I grew up in this tiny town about forty minutes from Los   Angeles.? I was a restless kid.? I was always ready to go.? Hollywood? Great.? Downtown?? Sure.? The beach? Absolutely.

I met this guy at some point.? I'm not really sure when or where.? It wasn't that kind of friendship.? I like him.? He was funny, super cool and kept Tarantulas in a jar by his kitchen sink.? He was the lead singer in a band.

Yes, he was older than me.? But let's face it.? I'm not a baby boomer so EVERYONE is older than me.

This guy was gay.? I mean really who cares right?? It just never sat well with him.? He started drinking heavily and eventually started doing drugs.? I knew that he wasn't doing well.? He was depressed but then I was too.? One day, he overdosed on heroin.

I wasn't surprised.? Our friends had numerous conversations about him and his downfall.? He broke his front teeth falling off a stage.? He got more and more self destructive.? We stood on the sidelines and watched it happen. Then one day, he self destructed.

And even though it's been over twenty years, I still miss him.? I've played the "should have done something"? game for years.? He was an adult and he made a choice.

I felt that way about Anna Nicole  Smith.? She was clearly not doing well after her son died. And we all stood around and watched her self destruct.? I wasn't surprised when she died.? It's just very sad.

I feel that way about Britney  Speers.? I wonder when we'll hear that she overdosed or was killed in a car crash.? Yes, she's an adult.? Yes, she's making choices.? But don't we kind of egg?her on by giving attention, instead of help, to her mania. It's also very sad.

It reminds me of the Counting Crows line: "when everyone loves me, I'll never be lonely".? I wonder if we really loved Anna Nicole.? Does anyone really love Britney?
What do you think?

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