On a Limb with Claudia

Now you know I'm sick

I saw this Lily Allen "Smile" video and laughed and laughed and laughed. I have no idea why.

I guess I am sicker than I thought.

Fall out boy - the real story.

Ok, this is hilarious. Or maybe I am still sick. (JEEEZ, stop laughing already.)

Pete from Fall Out Boy made this representation of the Fall Out Boy story.

Here's my favorite picture:

Check it out! I'm back to bed...

While I'm resting, check out this short (1:48) video - you'll laugh.

Thanksgiving.

Every Wednesday before Thanksgiving, we have this big party. We serve only pie and wine including Pizza Pie, Chicken Pot Pie, and a variety of pies. Over the years it's been bigger (60+) and smaller (20) but always enjoyable. This year was on the smaller side, which was perfect. We ate pie, laughed and got a chance to really talk to people.

We ditched the family this Thanksgiving. WHOOO HOOO!!

We are going to Party! We planned a night of dancing until dawn on Friday. The gorgeous Daniel Craig as James Bond was on the menu.

Until Wednesday night, after everyone left (Thank God), and I got the flu.

I didn't get out of bed for 3 days. I didn't eat for 3 days.

HRM!

To put this in context, I haven't been sick since 2002. I think I sniffled once or twice in 2003. I was really tired in 2005, but after 5 years of working 80 hours a week who could blame me?

But sick? That's what other people do.

Fever? Please.

In bed sick? Not me.

My friends have laughed their asses off that I was sick. Literally, ?let me put the phone down while I laugh so hard there are tears streaming down my eyes? laughed that I was sick. HRM.

My ego is bruised. My weekend is gone.

On the upside, I lost 8 pounds.

Training with David Brent

Have you met David Brent? I met him at possibly the worst training I have ever attended. Of course his name wasn't David Brent, but it may as well have been. It was unbelievable.

?How so?? you ask.

How about giving the lecture on sexual harassment and its painful effects ("You will be terminated immediately for this behavior") while giving 95% of the prizes to the buxom blonde whenever she opened her mouth? It was so obvious and embarrassing that she started to share her prizes with the class.

Let's be frank - he did it BOTH days. Lots of people gave answers, shared experiences, participated, yet she left loaded down with almost every prize. (No, I am not jealous, just disgusted.)

How about the time he said "Don't put down the Lifetime Channel in front of a customer; they might like the channel and find it offensive"? In the next breath, he proceeded to tell us about his couch riding pregnant wife and her obsession with the "stupid and trite" programming on the Lifetime Channel.

Then there's "readers are leaders".

Unbelievable. Have you ever met David Brent?

Coming to terms.

Steve Novak says that he is a big stupid dork.

And it got me thinking.

What if we all admitted that we were big stupid dorks?

The world would change. Stores like Macys and Nordstroms would go out of business.

No one would put on painful shoes in order to have a perky butt. Models would stop starving themselves to death.

What if I really admitted that I am a big stupid dork?

I told my best friend that I was a big stupid dork.? He asked me what else was new. 30 years of friendship.? I guess it's not news. Hrm....

I mentioned it to D. on his way to his new job.? He shrugged his shoulders, kissed me on the cheek and left for work.

I had a long conversation about it with the dog.? She sat looking at me.? I am pretty sure she thought ?dork? meant ?treat?.

I never tried to be cool.? I broke up with my first love (MM in case you are wondering) because he wanted me to be ?normal?.? Normal holds no fascination to me.? Why be normal when being me was so much fun?

So why is it such an ego hit to think about being a big stupid dork?? I am not sure.

Sexual exploration?

MSN has created a special report on sexual exploration in America. For the first time in history, sexual exploration is said to have gone mainstream.

This is such a baby boomer topic. First, of course, anything about sex is super exciting. Secondly, they have changed the world forever.

Sorry - baby boomer rant.... couldn't help myself....

Here's the question: How do we know that things are different now?

In the Western United States, there were very few women. Most marriages were mail order. What did all those men do after drinking at the bars?

And what about all that Indian stuff? You know the Kama Sutra? (And of course it's modern PalmaSutra.) Have you ever seen photos of Khajuraho? There's a lot of kinky shit there. And this temple was discovered in the 1800s.... That's way before the "sexual revolution".

Have a sexy Friday!

Veteran's Day

Today is Veteran's Day in the United States. Usually this day comes and goes with out much fanfare. There are articles in paper about WWII vets and the Vietnam Vets march in a parade.

The casualties rise in Iraq. 2842 American men and women have died in this conflict. 2705 since "mission accomplished". (For more statistics, click here.) October was one of the bloodiest months in history of the conflict. 100 soldiers. 100 families. Over 21,000 soldiers wounded. There's no end in sight.

What can we do?

Actually quite a bit. Did you know that many soldiers don't have deodorant? Sun screen? Many don't have proper body armor. Our medic friend Chris doesn't have coffee for his 28 hour shifts. Imagine.

There are a number of reputable websites that will help you send a care package. Here's a list:

Treat Any Soldier

Operation AC

Soldier Angels

America Supports You

An extra $10 at the supermarket or Costco could really make a difference in someone's life. Try it.

Creamed cheese.

Monday I spent an hour pricing creamed cheese.

You are probably thinking - price gun city. Pick up one, slap a label on it, and rock. No it's much stupider than that. For the sake of clarity:

Imagine a 1 oz cup filled with creamed cheese. I weighed over 100 of these little cups one at a time. Then I placed a 2 in w x 4 in h label with the price and weight on it. (Yes, physics majors - the freakin' label didn't fit.)

In case you are wondering, the creamed cheese cost between 29 cents and 31 cents. Not one creamed cheese was over 31 cents or less than 29 cents.

Needless to say, my mind drifted a bit during the process. Out of no where, a voice screams in my head: "WHAT BUSINESS CAN I START??? LIKE TODAY?" I start to laugh.

My co-workers gave me that sideways look. You know the one - "has she completely lost it?"

Of course I have.

Lost and once regained?

Britney Spears admits to having "lost" her virginity to Justin Timberlake. (We personally believe that she lost in in the cracks of the couch and could probably find it among the loose change and old popcorn.)

Now Justin Timberlake is bringing "Sexy Back".

I am wondering if he might also give back her lost viriginity. He doesn't need it anymore and it would give her a fresh start. She could return to the "I-am-a-virgin-dressed-like-a -whore" persona. It was so much more profitable than the "I'm-a-complete-idiot" persona she has currently adopted.

Of course, if her lost property is returned, what does that mean about her two children? Are they children of a virigin mother? Will Britney now compete with Madona?

6 years and finally....

Donald Rumsfeld is not the United States Defense Secretary. It's about time.

Let's hope that hell takes him soon.