Falling

You probably don't know this about me, but I fall. A lot.

When I was 24, I was in a car accident that left me with muscle atrophy down the right side of my body. Even with weight training, I wobble when I walk. On a good day, I walk with a slight limp. Most people don't notice it; some people see it right away.

And I fall. A lot.

I hate falling. I really hate falling. Whenever I fall, I feel this hysteria that takes my breath away. All the years of being grateful I can walk slip away. My mind is filled with: "Why did I have to fall? Why did this have to happen to me?" I holdd my breath to keep the thoughts from escaping and flooding the world with my hysterical self pity.

It's taken me a long time to discover that everyone falls. Bryan Kest says: "We all fall in life. The question is whether we fall with awareness." I would add with grace.

The grace to know that movement is a blessing. The grace to know that we mostly fly through life unhindered. The grace to see the moment of falling as a chance to wake up to our life. The grace to see the shower of blessings that are bestowed on us at every moment.

But in the moment of falling? I only feel hysteria.

When I look around the world, I see that most of us have fallen flat on our faces. The economy tripped some of us. The rampant greed for no reason tripped others. The Internet tripped the entire publishing business. Just as video cell phones have tripped some violent cops. Negative one sided press trips up even the brightest. In one way or another, we've all fallen.

The question to me is: Can we get up?

Not everything in life is about winning races. But maybe it's time we stop licking our metaphorical or real wounds, get up and start running again.

Take it from one who falls a lot. There's one thing worse than falling.

Never trying, standing, walking at all.

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