It's funny, I don't know how to start this blog post. Please bear with me. I have no talent for talking or writing about myself.
I've spent the last ten days digging through Open Grove boxes, folders and files from our garage. Because our garage leaks, the papers are wet, molded and, when they get warm, have bugs and larvae in them. This has been a disgusting task.
When I moved out of my gorgeous office in October 2005, we packaged everything up and boxes. Because the weather was iffy, we stuffed the boxes in the garage and left them alone. That's right. For the last four years, these boxes have been out of sight and out of mind.
The boxes returned to mind when the IRS began sending letters.
It turns out that the Non-profit rulings have changed. I should have known that or noticed that or....
When I spoke with the IRS, they were fairly confident that very few people knew the ruling had changed. I called the IRS three times. Each time spoke with a kind, helpful person who seemed as befuddled about the change as I am.
Regardless, because of the change in ruling, I've had to take the way back machine and produce financial information for 2002 through 2007.
Thank God those boxes were out of mind in the garage. If I had been more on top of things, I would have gotten rid of those papers years ago. After all, under the old ruling, I didn't need them. I would never have needed them.
This week I needed every record, every note, every financial document - bugs and all.
I have a lot of judgement about that time in my life. The list of shoulds starts with 'I never should have filed for a trademark' and ends with a thought or judgement about every single activity.
It's been a rough ten days.
Until I realized that what I feel is a kind of grief. I've been trying to control how the Open Grove transformed. With my cruel judgments over the detritus of yesteryear, I make damned sure I'm 'more careful' today.
I don't know what will become of the Open Grove's IRS drama.
Today, I'm going to let go and let whatever happens happen. In letting go, I'm going to also let go of my long list of shoulds. We did our best with the Open Grove. What more can anyone expect?
Is there a 'should' you need to let go of? A judgement that doesn't fit the facts? If so, I hope you'll give yourself the luxury of letting go.