There was a time in my life when I could not speak.
I learned to speak, life happened and I stopped speaking.
In my memory, it was about a year and a half of minimal or no speech. I couldn’t tell you actually how long it was. Because I was raised by wolves, no one noticed that I couldn’t talk. No one noticed until I went to school. With the help of a kind little girl, and a wonderful teacher, I slowly began to speak again.
And there are still moments when I simply cannot speak. My experience is that I forget how to translate the thoughts into words. The thoughts are there struggling to burst out. But the conduit isn’t available.
This experience of silence has taught me more about communication than any training, education or other experience.
In the moments of silence, I want so desperately to connect. And I’m completely unable.
In my daily interactions with people, I try to slow down enough to actually hear what someone has to say. Not just their words. But what they are truly attempting to express. Every action, gesture and facial expression adds meaning to the words.
Listening is not easy. Nor is it for the feint of heart. I strive to not only take in the words, but also hear them as they are expressed, not as they create meaning for me. It’s a lot of work. It takes real practice. The pay off is being able to learn about another person.
I think of it as a kindness. Most people blossom within the experience. Yet some find this style of listening to be too invasive or demeaning.
What do you think?
I think it takes great patience as well as the ability to put ones ego aside to really, really listen to another instead of deciding what they are going to say and turning off. Prejudging.
Your description of trying to communicate and being unable to sounds eerily like what I see Flip go through as Alzheimer’s steals his ability to express himself verbally. He is still in there, trying desperately to communicate. I can’t even imagine going through that as a young child and I’m so sorry you were traumatized and left to founder until a pair of angels intervened.
It was a great kindness of you to share this story.
OG…it is the lotus that grows above the the swamp rooted in the mud…the scent is found in your being able to listen in silence.
We go about our day hearing the words but it’s true, not really listening. It takes effort to do so.
Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for reminding me to stop, push away the many thoughts scrambling for attention, look at the person speaking to me, and really listen.
P.S. I have a Simply Kind Tuesday post today as well.
I can think of a laundry list of people I want to send this post to. It amazes me how many people say, “I’m here to listen,” but when you try to speak, you are interrupted or ignored. I always try to REALLY listen, but I am going to make an even bigger effort….
What you have described is not merely a kindness; it is a rare treasure. It is priceless and a source of great blessing to others, I am sure.
Heart in SF – Ego, yes ego. I’ve been reminded over and over again recently at the power of ego. Amazing. I am so sorry about Flip.
TWMark – What a lovely thought – a lotus from the swamp rooted in mud. Thanks!
Pamela – I’m amazed at how much language is said, and how little is heard – even by me! Good to listen. Thanks for the Simply Kind Tuesday post!
Perpstu – Yes. I think that’s very true.
Squirrelly – I hope it’s a blessing – It’s also not uncommon for people to get angry about it. One mans blessing is often another man’s curse.
I am sympathetic about where you came from, and how you have developed your communications skills. But to think that it’s an act of kindness to care enough to really try to communicate with other people for no other reason than because youwant to be effective with people, this is a gift of yourself, not mere kindness. That’s what I think.
I do think that sometimes words can’t sufficiently express the thoughts that run through, or the emotions. I also have times that words just go…missing. And you’re right, the whole body expresses the message trying to get through-tone, body language, expression…all of it.
Listening is more interesting, I think, when a person is willing to be vulnerable … thanks for being so here
the CEO – Hmm… a gift of myself… hmmm… Are the two mutually exclusive?
Claudia – Expression is one of the hardest things we can do, I think. I would guess that your photographic eye comes from these moments. Finding symbols to replace the words.
Bunny – I guess I think that everyone is vulnerable all the time. We express more than we realize.