Comments on: Sisters. http://www.on-a-limb.com/2008/04/sisters/ Mon, 06 Feb 2012 01:49:55 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: ECD http://www.on-a-limb.com/2008/04/sisters/#comment-3676 ECD Mon, 21 Apr 2008 10:27:31 +0000 http://www.on-a-limb.com/?p=1216#comment-3676 Your sisters are obviously living exactly the way they learned from him: Manipulate, then blame and punish. The classic tool kit of the abuser. I am so sorry that You are on the receiving end of this. Know this, that NONE of this is Your fault. Your sisters are obviously living exactly the way they learned from him: Manipulate, then blame and punish. The classic tool kit of the abuser.

I am so sorry that You are on the receiving end of this. Know this, that NONE of this is Your fault.

]]> By: CEO http://www.on-a-limb.com/2008/04/sisters/#comment-3675 CEO Sun, 20 Apr 2008 16:21:52 +0000 http://www.on-a-limb.com/?p=1216#comment-3675 Dear Sister, I am divorced from my family. You already know that I actually care about what happens to you. The door is always open, and your room is ready for you and D. Love, your brother, Monty Dear Sister,

I am divorced from my family. You already know that I actually care about what happens to you. The door is always open, and your room is ready for you and D.

Love, your brother,

Monty

]]> By: Open Grove Claudia http://www.on-a-limb.com/2008/04/sisters/#comment-3674 Open Grove Claudia Fri, 18 Apr 2008 18:22:58 +0000 http://www.on-a-limb.com/?p=1216#comment-3674 Jameil - Yes, I understand exactly. Jameil – Yes, I understand exactly.

]]> By: jameil http://www.on-a-limb.com/2008/04/sisters/#comment-3673 jameil Fri, 18 Apr 2008 18:11:29 +0000 http://www.on-a-limb.com/?p=1216#comment-3673 for now it probably is. my sister and i are likely too close in age. that means when we're in the same house for more than 2 days (and sometimes even less) she starts thinking i'm trying to run her life and gets all pissy. you ask my advice or pour your heart out to me and want me to NOT tell you how to get people to stop running over you. either way you get mad at ME. whatever. stop telling me stuff and stop talking to me if that's how it's going to be. of course i would prefer for it not to be that way but i can't keep being berated for being myself. i know you understand. it's hard to explain to people who don't have sisters. for now it probably is. my sister and i are likely too close in age. that means when we’re in the same house for more than 2 days (and sometimes even less) she starts thinking i’m trying to run her life and gets all pissy. you ask my advice or pour your heart out to me and want me to NOT tell you how to get people to stop running over you. either way you get mad at ME. whatever. stop telling me stuff and stop talking to me if that’s how it’s going to be. of course i would prefer for it not to be that way but i can’t keep being berated for being myself. i know you understand. it’s hard to explain to people who don’t have sisters.

]]> By: Open Grove Claudia http://www.on-a-limb.com/2008/04/sisters/#comment-3672 Open Grove Claudia Fri, 18 Apr 2008 17:24:19 +0000 http://www.on-a-limb.com/?p=1216#comment-3672 Kelly - I've done that as well with my sisters. Sadly, what they want is everything - there's no way to engage without losing everything. They have no friends, no real connections, just parasitic need. I can only feel sorry for them. I am sorry about your dad. How awful. Julia - That's excellent. I will tell you. Every therapist I have ever seen has told me to divorce my family. Every single one. Maybe I should listen to all the advice I pay for! ;) It seems to work for you! Nikki - I'm certain you are right - but hard to do. Kelly – I’ve done that as well with my sisters. Sadly, what they want is everything – there’s no way to engage without losing everything. They have no friends, no real connections, just parasitic need. I can only feel sorry for them. I am sorry about your dad. How awful.

Julia – That’s excellent. I will tell you. Every therapist I have ever seen has told me to divorce my family. Every single one. Maybe I should listen to all the advice I pay for! ;) It seems to work for you!

Nikki – I’m certain you are right – but hard to do.

]]> By: nikki http://www.on-a-limb.com/2008/04/sisters/#comment-3671 nikki Thu, 17 Apr 2008 16:15:01 +0000 http://www.on-a-limb.com/?p=1216#comment-3671 Sometimes as much as it hurts it best to separate yourself and do whats best for YOU. Sometimes as much as it hurts it best to separate yourself and do whats best for YOU.

]]> By: julia http://www.on-a-limb.com/2008/04/sisters/#comment-3670 julia Thu, 17 Apr 2008 15:48:53 +0000 http://www.on-a-limb.com/?p=1216#comment-3670 After point-blank asking them to go to therapy and having them decline (which I've done with my own sister, who also declined every time) - the work for you now is in accepting how they actually are and not how you wish-with-all-your-heart they were. I actually saw a therapist for the express purpose of learning how to deal - or not deal - with my sister. After learning how to stand down, as it were, our relationship has really, really improved. Merely because I've stopped expecting that I can watch the horse that I've led to water stoop her neck and have a drink. And no matter how many times I gave many people the same advice, it only really sunk in when I worked it out with my therapist. Wacky but true. Obviously you know better than most people that your sisters share the same genetic make-up as your mother who is insane, and a father who flew into violent rages. They have mental health limitations that are bigger than you. So to preserve your own hard-won mental health, draw a BIG line and maintain your perimeter. If you swin out to a drowning person, she will only drag you under with her. And here's a hug - (((hug))) After point-blank asking them to go to therapy and having them decline (which I’ve done with my own sister, who also declined every time) – the work for you now is in accepting how they actually are and not how you wish-with-all-your-heart they were.

I actually saw a therapist for the express purpose of learning how to deal – or not deal – with my sister. After learning how to stand down, as it were, our relationship has really, really improved. Merely because I’ve stopped expecting that I can watch the horse that I’ve led to water stoop her neck and have a drink.

And no matter how many times I gave many people the same advice, it only really sunk in when I worked it out with my therapist. Wacky but true.

Obviously you know better than most people that your sisters share the same genetic make-up as your mother who is insane, and a father who flew into violent rages. They have mental health limitations that are bigger than you. So to preserve your own hard-won mental health, draw a BIG line and maintain your perimeter. If you swin out to a drowning person, she will only drag you under with her.

And here’s a hug – (((hug)))

]]> By: kelly http://www.on-a-limb.com/2008/04/sisters/#comment-3669 kelly Wed, 16 Apr 2008 19:06:09 +0000 http://www.on-a-limb.com/?p=1216#comment-3669 I let go of my father a long time ago. Just because they are family, doesn't make them good for you. It took me a long time to stop feeling bad for myself, stop trying to make it better, and stop trying to change him in order to make our relationship better. Once I realized that I could do nothing to change him, therefore our relationship could never be more than unhealthy; I realized that the only thing I could do was change how I saw our relationship. Some say I lost hope, but really I just stopped making myself feel responsible for something I couldn't control. I couldn't control the way he treated me, or made me feel. I couldn't control the fact that he didn't want to be there for me, or be more of a part of my life. I just let go. Sometimes I feel bad that I don't have a good relationship with that side of the family, but I am much better for it! I don't have to have that in my life. Even if we share blood. Blood doesn't mean they get the right to treat you poorly, forever. I have learned that it's ok to let go. I love you! :-) You aren't alone in the bad family department... :-) And I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. I let go of my father a long time ago. Just because they are family, doesn’t make them good for you. It took me a long time to stop feeling bad for myself, stop trying to make it better, and stop trying to change him in order to make our relationship better. Once I realized that I could do nothing to change him, therefore our relationship could never be more than unhealthy; I realized that the only thing I could do was change how I saw our relationship. Some say I lost hope, but really I just stopped making myself feel responsible for something I couldn’t control. I couldn’t control the way he treated me, or made me feel. I couldn’t control the fact that he didn’t want to be there for me, or be more of a part of my life. I just let go.

Sometimes I feel bad that I don’t have a good relationship with that side of the family, but I am much better for it! I don’t have to have that in my life. Even if we share blood. Blood doesn’t mean they get the right to treat you poorly, forever.

I have learned that it’s ok to let go.

I love you! :-) You aren’t alone in the bad family department… :-) And I’m sorry you had to go through all of that.

]]> By: Open Grove Claudia http://www.on-a-limb.com/2008/04/sisters/#comment-3668 Open Grove Claudia Wed, 16 Apr 2008 14:23:58 +0000 http://www.on-a-limb.com/?p=1216#comment-3668 CQ - I hope so too. Debora - I think, at this point, working it out is impossible. So peace it must be. CQ – I hope so too.

Debora – I think, at this point, working it out is impossible. So peace it must be.

]]> By: Debora http://www.on-a-limb.com/2008/04/sisters/#comment-3667 Debora Wed, 16 Apr 2008 11:41:13 +0000 http://www.on-a-limb.com/?p=1216#comment-3667 Oh Claudia, I'm so sorry. I feel your pain, as I have a very hot/cold relationship with my sister. After years of trying to be the "peacemaker" to her selfish antics, I've decided life is just too damn short to spend it someone that gets under skin they way she does. I hope you can either work it out or find the peace inside to live without them. Oh Claudia, I’m so sorry. I feel your pain, as I have a very hot/cold relationship with my sister. After years of trying to be the “peacemaker” to her selfish antics, I’ve decided life is just too damn short to spend it someone that gets under skin they way she does.

I hope you can either work it out or find the peace inside to live without them.

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