“Why don’t you come for dinner?” I ask Rocker Boy.
“That’s a great idea,” he says pulling from his pocket his expensive phone/PDA/kitchen sink apparatus.
“How about Monday?” I suggest.
“Oh, I can’t do Monday because I have to go to the bar, see a band and get shit faced that night.”
“I can’t do any other night next week because I’m trying to better myself and the world.”
He scratches his head.
“I’m going to be out of town partying and watching bands for three days in a row next week, so I can’t do it until…. Well, I’m going to have to catch up drinking and show watching because I’ve been out of town. How about the end of March?”
“I don’t think the world will be saved by then. That might work, what were you thinking?”
“Boy I don’t know. The drinking and rock show season starts at the beginning of April. Why don’t you send me an email and we’ll figure something out?”
“Sure.”
You ‘ll be surprised to know that even after 3 months of trying, we haven’t scheduled dinner. He thinks I’m pathetically uncool and I think he drinks too much.
We’ve been friends for a long time.
After these conversations, I always wonder two things:
1. Am I arrogant because I want to better myself and the world? Is he arrogant because his priority is the consumption of bands and booze? Or are we both just foolish to put these priorities in front of a friendship?
2. Do you think he hears the same subtext to our scheduling conversations?
as a retired rock star, the scheduling problem starts with the fact his nickname is “Rocker”
What time do these bands start?? Can’t he go out after dinner? Nobody said he has to stay at your house until the wee hours, no?
FuriousBall – Yes, well there is that.
Claudia – Now one would think this possible, but…. A rocker who spends his entire life at the bar must have a life? When would he do laundry?
No… he doesn’t ever stay until the wee hours.
I feel that way sometimes when few of us try to schedule something but we always find an alternative that match all of our over booked schedules.
How do YOU like to better the world? I do it by eating less pancakes.
No Nonsense Girl – That happens if we are in the same location – which hasn’t happened since before Xmas. I usually get frustrated/bored and drop the ball.
Fabbie – I was thinking about outlawing aspartame. (See http://myaspartameexperiment.com/)
Who is this RockerBoy? To me, being “uncool” makes you cool. Its when you are aware of your coolness or when you are trying to be cool that works against ya.
I think its wonderful that you are trying to make the world a better place. I, like Mr. Fabulous, am also trying to eat less pancakes. I’m down to one breakfast of them a month.
I have a long-term friend that I want to stay in touch with. The problem is that we don’t have all that much in common anymore. We were friends through the perils of the music conservatory in college. It was a friendship built in circumstance, I think. Now, we lead completely different lives. We want to get together, but I think we’re afraid we’ll have nothing to say if we do. Therefore, there’s always a meeting or a rehearsal or a pressing engagement that comes in the way of us meeting. We only live 15 minutes from each other.
Jill – I’ll have to send you some of my sourdough starter – that makes great pancakes! Yes, you are right. Cool is in the eye of the beholder unless your eye is stuck on your own coolness, n’est pas?
She – Yes. I’m sure that’s what’s going on. We have a delicious time when we are together – but then I usually have fun. Maybe it’s enough to send the love?
I broke up with a friend of 11 years yesterday. It happens sometimes.
maybe email is enough. I had this great friend and he moved away. We both had very different lives and views after going through our own damage, so now we just text occassionally to let the other know he/she is in my/his thoughts. We get together every once and a while if schedules allow, but we don’t push it or try to hard anymore.
You don’t always have to be besties with everyone… maybe you could have a great email friendship!
Janet – I am sorry for your loss. I bet that is really hard.
Kelly – Well, I’m certainly not going to have dinner with him! lol!
Maybe instead of the rocker scene you could both go to a cafe where a smaller local band is playing. Compromise..? You’re on different mind avenues but I’m sure there is a bridge somewhere.