Dear little blonde “woman” with the four carat diamond ring,
I realize that it’s your first day at the gym with your husband. (I assume he’s your husband since you are wearing that little sparkler.)
But yes, I am in fact using (scrunch my nose like you did) ALL of these big weights. If you decide to pick them up again, I may pummel you with the fifty pound barbel… by accident, of course. (smile)
While we’re having this chat? Would you mind asking your husband to stop staring at my ass when you aren’t here? I’d just appreciate a little gym time without his eyes permanently glued to my behind.
Also, that guy you just took the bench press from? He’s a professional bodybuilder on steroids. You might not want to piss him off again. After all, your husband hyperventilated when you decided to use his bench. Of course you were oblivious.
Did they botox your brain too?? Or did the saline leak from the sacks on your chest?? I’m concerned.
Thanks for listening,
Signed,
That girl who almost killed you this morning.
Step away from the barbels, Claudia! Put down those free-weights. I don’t want to read about another senseless (well, I guess not senseless in your case) act of violence.
Rileyberry – Ah shucks. Senseless??
Again, a perfect example of why we should all carry flame throwers.
FuriousBall – I’m not certain she would burn – too much plastic – veneered teeth and all.
Botox-for-brains won’t last long. All that sweatiness and stuff. Ick. I don’t see why you couldn’t manage to drop a free weight on her foot by accident if your gym doesn’t allow flame throwers. Which obviously, they should.
Have you consulted your Inner Capuchin on this matter? Perhaps a flame thrower would be the best bet – she may not be flammable but she’d melt. Kind of like the wicked witch did in Oz. Just a thought.
Heart in SF – Who said she was sweating?? She was mostly strutting around. free weight on foot? good plan!!
Rileyberry – Do you know any Capuchins?? They only advise and are almost always up for a wicked adventure. At least that’s my experience with them. It sounds like you are suggesting that I squirt her with my water bottle – good plan!!
You must be reading my mind. I was just working on a post about the gym.
And I’m with Heart in San Fransisco. This chick won’t last long – though she WILL be back at the beginning of the new year with everyone and their mothers who begin their short-lived fitness routines.
I’d like to assist you with this problem. I will stare at her ass while her husband is staring at yours. That will show her!
Bottle Blonde – From your mouth to God’s ears…. When she comes back in January, I’ll just spray her with my water bottle.
You and me – drinks next time I’m in SF.
BroLo – Oh what a wonderful solution. Will you wear your robe when you do it?? That will be soooo classy.
GYM RAGE! My wife has it bad too.
Squirrelly – Is there a 12 step program for that??
Trust me, Claudia, if her diamond donor was ogling your ass, she was sweating.
You are hysterical! I love reading your blog. I hate little stupid dumb blonde like this. UGGH!!!!
Heart in SF – I think she’s pretty oblivious – just one of those “special” girls. What do you think of the whole spray her with the water bottle trick?? I think it will work!
No Nonsense Girl – Thanks for reading. Yes… she probably doesn’t have an inner Capuchin telling her what to do. Bitch.
Aarrgggh!!!! Hope she doesn’t grace your gym time anymore…..geeze…
Peace
Odat – She wasn’t there today! HURRAY!!
Because of this post I spit coffee all over my keyboard after bursting out in laughter.
Christy – Shall I send you another keyboard??
Drinks it is!
And how in the world did you know where I live?!