Steroids.

Here’s your warning. This post will contain “adult” content in an effort to make you laugh.

I lift weights. I love it. After working a hundred hours a week for five years, my body needs to move, work out and shake off the stress induced blubber. I am in the gym every morning at 6 am.

Having lifted weights for most of my life, I have always been around people who take steroids. I lifted at Gold’s Gym in Venice around professional body builders. I know where a steroid user is in their cycle just by their behavior and a look in their eyes.

There’s a short, hairless bulky guy at my gym that’s “training” (read: taking steroids) for a bodybuilding contest. Right now, he’s “dosing” (the term for taking steroids).
How do I know?

He’s pinging off the walls. His eyes flick back and forth. He jumps up and down. He talks in a rush of words. He’s slamming the weights around.

“ARRGGGG,” he screams. SLAM the weights drop to the ground. Then he stomps around for a while.

Last Wednesday, I was standing doing cable straight arm press downs. I happened to be facing Steroid boy while he was doing squats about six feet in front of me.

Well this particular Wednesday, he wasn’t wearing underwear under his tiny nylon shorts.

Here’s your visual:

I’m standing there, minding my own business, when SLAM, he drops the weights. I look up to see him stomp in front of me with his erect penis sticking like straight out, like a small tent pole in his nylon shorts. I mean it’s all there – all 3 inches of it. Then, flush with testosteroine, he flexes his chest in a Hulk impersonation and growls.

I start gulping air in an effort to keep from laughing.

His wild eyes turn in my direction and he nods as if to say, “Yeah, I’m a beautiful peacock”.

I dissolve into laughter.