On A Limb with Claudia

This is an open letter to the person or persons who stole our snow shovel.

Dear Thief,

I realize that it’s impossible to purchase a snow shovel in the city of Denver, but was it truly necessary to STEAL our snow shovel?

We’ve left it outside for years. Our neighbors have come to count on it when they dig out their cars or shovel their walks. You stole the neighborhood snow shovel. In fact, we learned about your theft when a neighbor came to the door looking for it.

There are some things you should know about that shovel. First, it’s too wide for Denver sidewalks. Second, it gets hung up on 100 year old cement.

Of course if you live in one of the new developments, you won’t have a problem with the shovel. But then if you lived in one of those new developments, you could damn well afford to have fourteen freakin’ snow shovels imported from some other state.

We’ve had that snow shovel for at least four years. I purchased it at one of those mega centers in the spring, when snow shovels are plenty and snow is not. It’s lived on the side of our house all this time. That is until you stole it.

I’m not mad. D.’s not mad. I just think it’s a stupid and selfish thing that could only be done by someone so immature that s/he can only see himself/herself.

So enjoy the shovel. Enjoy shoveling in bliss. You are memorialized in our neighborhood as “that stupid jerk”. Don’t be surprised to wake up some morning and find it tattooed on your forehead. After all, it is South City Park.

Filed under: Update