The complete loss
Yesterday, November 1 2005, I began a year long sabbatical from my psychotherapy practice. 365 long days without emergency phone calls, deep inspirational conversations, intense growth spurts, and intimate looks into strangers lives. For the last 11 years, my life has existed on the 50 minute hour. 50 minutes of intense intimacy followed by 10 minutes to eat, return telephone calls and email, go to the restroom, and breathe. 11 years.
Everyone close to me is holding their breath waiting to see if I fall completely apart. They know that I am a bit of a work-a-holic and wonder what will happen when I stop working. My sisters have called asking in worried voices how I am. My husband has tiptoed around acting as if I might implode at any moment. Even the dog acts as if something is terribly wrong. My friends have contacted me requesting lunch or dinner dates to see if it’s actually really true. I am not working 12 hour days and that’s pretty weird.
The truth is that I don’t really know if I’ll make it. I really like working. I like the intellectual stimulation of intriguing conversations. I am incredibly nosey so I love to hear all of the ins and outs of people’s lives. I don’t know what I will do with myself in the next - uh - 363 days. Taking this time is the riskiest thing I have ever done. I am stretching myself past the edge of my comfort zone simply to see what is on the other side.
I have always worked. I started my first business (cleaning houses in my hometown of Claremont) at 11 years old. In college, I worked 2 and sometimes 3 jobs. I went to school full time and worked full time while I was in graduate school. In the last 5 years, I have worked 50 - 60 or more hours a week seeing clients and running the Open Grove.
A client told me last week that I needed to unleash my inner “slacker”. Maybe tomorrow…. I wonder if I could take class in that….
Filed under: Update
